Why second hand sex stories matter

Second-hand stories are great, and there are so many people that fail to understand why. If you are not familiar with the term, a second-hand story is something that happened to someone else. You are learning through someone else’s experience and not through your own. 

Here are some of the reasons why second-hand sex stories matter. 

Serves As an Awareness

What many people don’t understand is that awareness is important. And you can get it even from second-hand sex stories. There are many of these stories online, but that’s hardly important about them. You can read an anecdote about an event that happened, and then you may spend some time thinking about whether that thing truly happened. But the thing is, it doesn’t matter. 


What matters is the point these stories are trying to send. You can still learn from them even though the story happened to the author and not you. You can still learn about someone’s experience and see both the good and bad sides of a coin. For some people, this will be enough to spot the red flags in their own relationship or to realize how happy they are with their partner. 


The very idea behind these stories is to spread awareness and let you know that what is happening to you has happened to someone else. You can learn from someone’s experience and make your life or relationship better. Whether you are reading sexual stories as a way to get aroused, learn something, or get advice, you can find it all in second-hand versions as well.

It Can Be Fun Sometimes

Sometimes, reading a story can be fun. It doesn’t need to have a deep story or a point to figure out. It can just be related to a funny situation that happened to someone. 


There are many excellent anecdotes about sex and sexual encounters. And it is a nice way to pass the time and entertain yourself. While some stories are focused on guides and advice, there are those with entertainment in mind. 


You can find many stories online that have a point of de-stressing the reader. And if you get a good laugh out of it, the author did their job right. It often is as simple as that. 

Presents Important Lessons

There are people who are reading sex stories to pass the time. Others are browsing their phones on the toilet. But there are those that are genuinely looking for a piece of advice. They search for a specific topic on their browser, and they hope to find a situation that is similar to theirs. 


And this is one of the best things about second-hand stories. They are able to present important life lessons in a way that will help the reader. These lessons can be quite valuable for those inexperienced in sex, and there are many people that consider them a form of sexual education. 


Naturally, these types of stories are not new. If you think about it, we all know the story about the scorpion and a frog. It is written to show how it is challenging to change one’s nature. One might say that this didn’t happen. We all know (or at least we hope) that scorpions and frogs can’t talk. They don’t use each other as a form of transportation. But this doesn’t matter. There is a deeper point behind all of this, and people can learn from it to be more careful in life. 


The same thing can apply to sex experiences as well. The goal is to send a message and help people learn about important lessons related to sex.

Serves As a Sex Guide

One of the most common types of sex stories is guides. Here, people will be able to learn more about a specific topic and get an in-depth guide about something they want to learn. It is obvious that these stories are educational and that the reader will be able to gain valuable knowledge about sex. 


These guides are often related to types of toys you can use, positions, relationships, materials, and how to be safe and healthy when you start having sex with your partner. Of course, you will have a hard time finding someone who has tried it all. But these articles are often a collection of knowledge that the author gained through thorough research. 

This doesn’t devalue the facts you will find in these stories. In fact, it can only increase it. Covering multiple stories and sources can often be more valuable than a single experience that someone went through. 

Exposes Truth and Reality

Stories can serve as an excellent introduction for people that don’t have prior experience. It is a way to expose people to sex and help them learn about things they wouldn’t be able to learn otherwise. It is a portrayal of reality and truth. 


There are so many misconceptions when it comes to sex. Some people are looking to learn about sex, toys, and other ways to explore pleasure. And there is nothing wrong with it. No one was born with the ultimate knowledge, and we all had to learn it along the way.


But why make some mistakes that are easily avoidable when you can see from people’s experiences that there are better ways to approach the situation. Sex stories can be an excellent way to expose myths and learn the reality of things before making the same mistake so many people made. 


In the end, it is more important that the story introduces you to the important facts and valuable lessons. Of course, you never experienced something like this on your skin, but some things are better like that. You can still see how something will feel and whether things you’ve heard are true or not. And as long as you are able to learn something useful, these stories are more than helpful.

The Different Textures of Dragon Dildos

Forget the old smooth and straight sex toys! Make way for dildos from the world of dragons, monsters and fabulous creatures. Let yourself be tempted by a discovery of other sensations and a very intense pleasure.

The sexual objects offered on the store take on surreal forms that defy rational logic. This is what is interesting in Monster Toys products. The creative brand does not seek to know if the dildos will be able to be inserted easily or even to simplify the use. It only takes into account the Imaginary and Surprising aspect.

These are all weird and so exciting forms.

Enter another dimension!

A Monster Toys dildo for what effect?

The shapes are so different that it is difficult to describe the sensations produced by the dildos of this collection.

Each of them will give various effects, whether on the anal margin during insertion (in particular the width and the relief) or on the prostate or on the bottom of the rectum (in particular the length and the terminal shape). It’s up to you to discover each pleasure and take the time to enjoy it. Buying a Monster Toys dildo is first a desire, a drive.

Then comes the time of use which suggests:

  • patience – a large part of sextoys are made up of XXL dimensions
  • of the technique – a reflection before and during insertion to find the best way to return the object
  • of sustained excitement – necessarily keep a desire
  • safety – the shapes are so bizarre that we advise you to choose a lubricant suitable for intense penetrations
  • The Monster Toys range is full of many bizarre dildos.
  • It’s up to you to try them!
  • Do you want to offer your partner a more true-to-life love toy?

To offer you a realistic dildo that will fulfill your most secret desires?

To play together or alone, you will find in our department what to have fun and give you unrivaled pleasure!

You can go for a classic template, which will give you the pleasure you are looking for, when you want it.

Are you an adventurer? Our wide range offers models with current colors and dimensions such that it will become your love giant for your naughty moments alone or your accompanied erotic games.

Our realistic dildos will bend to all your desires, and will be more realistic than ever, with for example our realistic dildos which ejaculate to give you even more pleasure!

You can discover your most intimate erogenous zones, discover surprising pleasures by accompanying yourself with your personal and secret pleasure object.

Gentlemen, what could be more exciting than offering your partner a replica of his own sex?

It is possible thanks to our molding kit! Ladies, do you want a realistic dildo that goes with you even in the shower?

The suction cup models will always be available for your pleasure wherever you are, whether you like conventional or more exceptional sizes, there is necessarily in our wide range of realistic dildos the one of your dreams and why not the one of your fantasies.

  • If you are experienced, spice up your sex games with the lovetoy Rocco Siffredi, which will fill you up.
  • Our wide price range will allow you all the madness. Whether you like anal, vaginal pleasure, alone or with your partner, small, large sizes, or daring circumferences, there are all the models on our page that will satisfy you.
  • Our realistic sex toys are available in a skin range which makes them look confusing!

Spice up your sexuality by adding one of our realistic sex toys!

The dildo is represented by a sex toy that closely resembles the human penis. Size, texture and shape are the main elements that bring it closer to a real penis. Any dildo model is perfect for both vaginal and anal penetration. Dildos are also recommended for stimulation of G-spot stimulation but also for oral penetration. For our top recommended dildos, you can visit the lovegasm website.

About dildos

Sex shops offer to all clients an extremely varied range of dildos that help to spice up your intimate life. The size of a dildo may vary depending on the needs, namely: 15, 18, 25 or 30 cm dildos can be found. Also the circumference is again an important criterion in choosing the dildo because the narrowest ones are wider depending on the choice of each person. Double dildos are in high demand for those who are more daring and always want to try something new. Some of the most sought after dildos are silicone ones due to its fine texture which has a very light penetration power without damaging the intimate area in any way. Some dildos that are highly appreciated are those made of jelly material that are easy to mold and do not produce any kind of skin adverse reactions. On the market of products of this type I find all kinds of transparent dildos, colored with testicles or prominent veins. A revolutionary product especially appreciated by couples is the strap-on dildo, which consists of a dildo with a generous size and a detachable harness.

Keeping dildos

Erotic toys of this type are not loaned to other people in order not to trigger the appearance of different unwanted conditions. On the online stores that sell dildos there is also a wide range of disinfectant products in the form of a spray for optimal cleaning of the dildo. They can be found in different quantities at extremely affordable prices. Any type of sex toy will be cleaned before and after any use.

Order online dildos

Order online dildosThe online version of ordering the favorite dildo is a method available to anyone because it is very practical and at the same time economical. You choose the product or products you want and then enter your personal data in the order form. The package will be packed in full discretion so as not to attract the attention of others. The fast courier arrives in a very short time anywhere in the country.

Anal play: dismantling the taboo

The anal plug is a great tool for those who love to be stimulated both in and around the anal. Reliable anal plugs are becoming increasingly accepted and as demand increases, the assortment of anal plugs for all ages grows. With sex shops you will find anal plugs in many different colors, shapes and sizes. It is important that you use a lot of lubricants when using your anal plug and other rear sex toys to minimize the risk of injury. Most anal plugs are designed to suit both women and men. Anal plugs can be used for masturbation or intercourse. Attractive butt plugs are used in public too. If you are looking for that little extra, we recommend that you try an anal plug with built-in vibrator for your weekly dose. An anal plug is exactly the same as a butt plug, only the difference is the name butt plug comes from the English language. Are women allowed to wear a butt plug at a nudist resort? Yes why not, it depends on the pleasure.

If, on the other hand, you are the prude type, use chastity device to avoid any scandals. There are also many variations of it, there are chastity devices for masters of it.

Different looks on anal plugs

The most classic form is the conformal plug with a wider base; it works well in all modes and is used by the vast majority of beginners. The conformed model always has a taper underneath the thickest part which allows the anal plug to fit into place without slipping in or out. Among our various plugs are also some penis shaped that can be used by you who want to feel the feeling of being penetrated by a penis there behind.

Hygiene when using anal plugs

To get the best possible time possible, it’s never wrong to combine your anal plug with an anal shower. If you feel uncomfortable brushing the buttocks is another good tip to draw a condom over the plug to keep it clean and fresh even after use. Also, keep in mind that washing your anal plug carefully, regular soap and water in combination with Hygiene takes cabbage on basically all the bacteria and impurities your plug may encounter.

Big anal plugs at great prices on Outlet!

Do you love anal pleasure and big anal plugs, so you’ve come to the right store? Here at Sex Outlet we have a wide range of anal plugs and several really big anal plugs and anal toys. Anal toys are very popular and for those who want extra mega big anal plugs we can offer brands like bombshell, titan men and much more.

Anal Plugs on Sex Toys Outlet

We have one of the largest assortments of sex toys in the Nordic countries, as well as anal plugs for hotels that are one of the most popular anal sex toys sold. Choose between different shapes, colors, materials, with vibrations or without. Here at Sex Outlet you will find everything you want and much more. We have several different categories of anal sex toys for those who like healthy anal dildos, analgesics or other sex toys that are aimed at the back door’s enjoyment. At Love Plugs, you can buy toys at the best prices. It will be delivered to you discreetly, no names on the package, invoice, or backlogs so you can be sure no one will know.

Anal enjoy a taboo that you should test

That anal enjoyment is amazing has many discoveries but it is still a bit of a taboo area that many do not think is natural to explore or suggest for their partner to test. You do not need to penetrate the anus because this is an area to explore, with some touches and touches with fingers or tongues, so it will be appreciated and enhance your enjoyment if you just dare to test. One way to get started is to let a finger slightly discreetly smear when you touch and rub gently on the anus to see one’s partner appreciate it. Anus is an erogenous zone with thousands of nerves and is very sensitive to touch, it’s just about daring. Remember to always use lubricants if you are going to penetrate the anus and take it always carefully, hurt it, stop immediately.

The tip for selecting the right anal plug

Here you will find tips if you want to find out which anal plug are best for you. It may be a little hard to choose when you do not try to play with an ankle plug before, what material should I take, how much should the anal plug be flexible or hard? Here are some good tips to help you choose the right anal plug.

Shape of the anal plug

There are many different types of anal plugs, some have a pointed top which makes it a little easier to insert, others have a conical top and others have a creative design. Whichever one you choose, you should choose an anal plug that has a stopper at the bottom, that is, at the bottom, it is T-shaped, which is intended for the anal plug to not slide completely into the anus. If you are a beginner, it is advisable to recommend a slightly better variant and you should always use lubricants when playing anal games so the anus does not have a natural lubricant like the vagina, for example.

The Last Time I Had Sex by Rachel, 37

This week, real women are sharing their sex stories with The Pool. GP Rachel* on sex before and after motherhood

I can’t remember exactly which day I last had sex, but it was sometime in the last week, and it was “afternoon delight”. My husband and I don’t share a bed any more – neither of us sleeps well – so sex never happens spontaneously. It’s almost always initiated verbally, as follows: he’ll say “Fancy a quick shag?” and I’ll say “Alright then.” And then I’ll go and have a wee, and when I come back, he’s in bed naked already.

We’ve been together for 11 and a half years, married for seven. The sex is always good. It’s quick and to the point, and I mean that in a good way – it’s very satisfying. It only lasts five minutes, but I like that, because it’s usually a Saturday afternoon, our son is having his nap, and I’ve always got stuff to do. So five minutes is fine, and then my husband falls asleep and I leave him to it.

We probably have sex about once a week, which suits me. I think it’s true that generally speaking, men want it more than women. My husband would probably do it slightly more often, but there’s not much opportunity – he often works away, and in the evenings we might have some drinks and watch telly, and the point at which we go to bed is when we can’t keep our eyes open any more.

I don’t think it was that much more frequent even before we had the baby, but the opportunities to do it are now more limited. Before he was born, if my husband had said on a Saturday afternoon, “Fancy a shag?”, we would probably have shut the curtains and just done it then and there on the living room floor. We don’t do that any more – we tend to retire to the bedroom.

The sex we had while we were trying to get pregnant – that was grim. I mean, it wasn’t to begin with, because you just come off the pill and wait for something to happen – but then it didn’t happen. And then I got one of those apps that tracks your cycle; that’s when you start having sex when you don’t want to, and it takes the joy out of it.

I got one of those apps that tracks your cycle; that’s when you start having sex when you don’t want to, and it takes the joy out of it

Once you get going, it’s probably alright, and it’s certainly always alright for the bloke – but I can remember times when he didn’t want to. I remember once when he was due to go away, and it fell right on the three days that I was most fertile. I thought “That’s going to be a whole month gone,” so I think I made him have sex in the evening before he went away, and then I made him set an alarm and do it again in the morning. Neither of us wanted to at all, and it was incredibly perfunctory and not fun. It gets associated with upsetting feelings. We’re trying for a second baby now, but we’re not in that zone yet – I hope we don’t have to go into that zone again.

Sex is funny. People’s bodies are weird and gross, and it’s all slippery and messy, and you make noises and you pull a funny face, and… you can’t be too serious about it. That’s what goes wrong when you’re trying really hard for a baby – you lose all of that. All the spontaneity’s gone, and you don’t laugh about it any more.

My husband has never turned me down for sex, and I rarely rebuff him. There are occasions when I’m not in the mood, because I was literally peeling carrots a second ago… but we’ve known each other so long, he can usually turn it around quite quickly, and then it’s really enjoyable. I do feel quite guilty when I say no, even though he doesn’t make me feel guilty. I think it’s very important, and I do love him and I want him to be fulfilled. I wouldn’t do it if I really, really didn’t want to, but I’m willing to be persuaded – put it that way.

I’ve always thought that sex is the one thing that separates my relationship with my husband from my relationships with everybody else that I’m close to, so it’s quite precious in that way. If you keep it up, it has a certain momentum, even if it’s not like it was at the beginning. I think when you let it stop, slow down, that becomes self-perpetuating.

I remember in one of Stephen Fry’s autobiographies, he was describing having had sex with someone, and he said it was really wonderful because they’d laughed a lot. It resonated with me, and my husband and I do that. Because of the abruptness of how it tends to start, there’s often a little bit of awkwardness at the beginning. We tend to have a little giggle, and I find that quite nice. That’s a form of intimacy almost as intimate as what follows.

Using Sex Toys in Family Life

We started a conversation like that with a girlfriend, and a friend confessed to me that when their marriage broke up and the intimate scenes of the house were no longer interesting, they just tried an intimate toy and it diluted their colors in life, now they go like newlyweds again, and sex is blazing! I just wanted to ask you, girls, do you have an interest in sex in sex toys? Do you have ever experienced intercourse with unique sex toys?

Sex toys for men – do not be afraid to experiment

Sex toys for men are not a topic that is customary to discuss at a table in a male company. While women can talk openly about their vibrators, there is a lingering social stigma against men and sex toys. It is believed that the “real man” should not do something just for himself or, in extreme cases, use the improvised means by hiding in the bathroom. Not all men even know that the sex industry has long launched a masturbator for such purposes.

Why are so few guys using sex toys? In fact, not so little, just about it is not yet accepted to speak. Some believe that this is generally the lot of only prostitutes, and they are looking at vip-questionnaires with interest, in the hope of snatching a tasty morsel although, in fact, everything is much simpler, and you can buy any toys for home use.

Couples are even trying chastity specially made for couples. It’s just a matter of exploring.

Why you should try sex toys for men?

Sex toys are the best way to teach you to become a better lover. With their help, you will be able to explore your body, the masturbator will help you understand how to prevent a quick erection, keep your penis hard after an orgasm, experience multiple orgasms, make you more enduring. In addition, sex toys help to relax and relieve tension at a time when your girlfriend “has a headache.” Having such a toy, you cannot look for the caress of a prostitute.

Sex toys for men who should be in your bedside table

Whatever the reasons for negative connotations, men have the same right to toys as women. If your intimate life is devoid of bright colors, you definitely do not have enough sex toys. To get started, try the most popular sex toys for men, and you will understand what will suit you in the future:

Masturbator: From the name it is clear what it is for, you no longer need to wash your palms with blood. This toy is capable of tightly covering the penis, the ribbing inside enhances the stimulation. There is a huge selection of types of masturbators, ranging from pocket to model of a woman in full size. Imitation of the vagina, ass, mouth, even the sexual organs of porn stars – you can always find a suitable sex toy.

Erection ring: Do you still have sex without him? If you are not 18 years old, and your rocket does not rise up at the sight of women’s panties, then using such sex toys is the easiest way to bring a lot of pleasure to your partner without any serious effort on your part. The ring is fastened around the base of the penis or scrotum, causing an increased rush of blood to them, and a strong, powerful erection is provided to you.

Dildo: This sex toy for men is not just for gays. If you are confused by this name, let it be a prostate massager. You know how useful it is to massage your prostate gland to prevent prostatitis. In addition, you get a lot of new sensations, if you turn on the vibration.

Vaginoimitator: In fact, it is still the same masturbator, but is made inside in an exact copy of the female vagina, which gives a complete feeling of sex with a real woman. Even if your companion is at your side, a vaginal simulator is a great prelude that will help you stay firm for a long hot night and excite your partner.

How to safely use a Sex Toy

Regardless of relationship status and sexual preferences, a vibrator may appear in your life. We figure out how to choose and safely use a new toy for maximum pleasure.

Individual Preferences

What is suitable for one, another may not like at all. Some have allergies (for example, latex), while others tend to avoid phthalates, chemical plasticizers that have been widely used since the 1950s to make plastics more elastic. Any skin-friendly material silicone or ABS plastic must be suitable for insertion. If you experience discomfort or an allergic reaction, discontinue use immediately.

Start Small

Buy a sex toy is no easier than choosing a partner. As with people, consistency and reliability are required in the sex toy world.

This is also the rule on chastity devices. Start easy and if you’re used to it, you can then start a new chastity device that is for experts. If you only want it temporarily, there are chastity devices to suspend sexual activities. Learn tricks in using chastity cages online.

Keep it Clean

Sex toys should be washed before and after use. You can buy special wipes for sex toys. Do not use baby wipes. Liquid for washing sex toys is inexpensive, is used with warm water if the toy is waterproof. It is worth noting that some sex toys need to be washed only in a certain way, so carefully read the instructions before use.

Real Women’s Sex Diaries

“The last time I had sex was a Sunday morning, about a week and a half ago.

Saturday night was our first date – he’d driven from Birmingham to meet up. We’d been chatting over WhatsApp for about a month, having met on an online dating site. He drove and parked near me, and I met him in the street. He looked as I’d imagined from his photographs, with that broken-mirror effect you get when you are transposing your photo idea of someone on to the real deal in front of you. I thought he was lovely-looking and easy to talk to. We went for drinks – quite a lot of drinks – and food, and then he slept over at mine, and we had sex the next day.

I am having sex very infrequently at the moment – this was the first time after splitting from my ex-boyfriend seven months ago. I feel fine about that. I’d like to meet someone I like, but sex in itself isn’t currently much of a goal for me.

This sex was somewhere between average and not good. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realised that although I have no problem whatsoever with first-date sex in principle, I can’t relax with people I don’t know and therefore it’s never much good for me. I also think it can kill off a burgeoning mutual keenness when it inevitably doesn’t go well, whereas if I wait a few dates, we’ll probably like each other enough for that to see us through any initial problems.

It was fairly unpleasing for that reason, plus I felt like he nagged me into it – not in a remotely traumatic way, but it wasn’t very sexy. In the moment, I thought, “What the hell, may as well…”, and I hadn’t had sex for seven months so it seemed like a good idea to break the seal again, as it were. Also he was very keen for a blowjob, which I absolutely won’t do with someone I don’t know well – I neither enjoy nor actively dislike them. I’ll happily do it for someone I care about, but I’m buggered if I’ll do it for someone I don’t.

I feel the most confident about sex and myself that I’ve ever felt in my life. I don’t think objectively I’m the best-looking I’ve ever been, but I like myself more than I ever have, which means I feel that other people will, too. I consider myself fairly inept in bed – I’m pretty sure that “dynamite in the sack” is something no man will ever say about me. But I’m open to talking about everything now and I like to laugh, so I don’t feel too bad about it overall.

It’s a shame though, as I feel like a creative person in most areas of my life – but, in bed, my timidity has meant that creativity deserts me. When I was in my twenties, the sense that I couldn’t disinhibit really affected my relationships and the men I was prepared to go for. I don’t know where my extreme inhibition came from, but it was always a big part of me and the decisions I made. I wouldn’t wear heels or lipstick, because on one level I felt they promised something I couldn’t deliver. And as a result, I think I went for kind men who wouldn’t make me feel bad about that. Kind men are the best, but I wish I’d been a bit braver.

As I’ve gotten older, my experience of meeting more men, reading more novels and watching my friends grow up has all helped me to work out what I want and don’t want. About seven years ago, I was introduced to a sex and relationships podcast, Savage Love. I’ve listened to every episode since, and can really say that it changed my life. In my twenties, I could barely say the word “penis” to a man, and felt awkward about having my period around sex. Now there’s pretty much nothing I won’t say and I think it’s made me much less judgemental about so many things. It’s been a huge relief to get older.”

The last time I had sex: Cindy Gallop, 56
“Because of my work and how outspoken I am, people get the impression that I have a great deal more sex than I actually do. The opportunities are there but, depressingly, due to both my travel schedule and my work, I’m not often able to meet up with the young gentlemen in question – so the last time I had sex was several months ago.

I meet the men I date on cougar dating sites. I applaud the rise of the niche dating site, by the way – everybody knows exactly why they’re there. This was a young man I had met online several years ago; he had come to New York on vacation, and proposed meeting up, which I was totally on for. I checked him out thoroughly, as I do, and he delivered against my key fundamental criteria – which is that no matter how casual this encounter is going to be, you have to be a very nice person. So this very nice young gentleman turned up – he turned out to be extremely good-looking, very attractive and great fun.

Earlier this year, he got back in touch to ask if there was any likelihood that I was going to visit his home country. Coincidentally, I had a speaking engagement there, so we arranged to meet up. We met in the hotel bar for a drink and we caught up on everything. He’s now in his early thirties and, since I’d last seen him, he’d been married – but they had separated, done a lot of counselling and ultimately divorced. They weren’t compatible, but he obviously cared for her a great deal and he was very, very upset about the fact that the marriage had not gone well. He’s a native of a country with a very macho culture, where showing emotion is not encouraged, and I was really taken aback by the level of self-awareness he showed as he spoke about the relationship and break-up. He was also still extremely attractive. And so we had several cocktails and then I proposed that we retire to my room, which we did, and we proceeded to have a really lovely time. Everything was hunky-dory, except that on the couple of occasions when we engaged in penetrative sex, he lost his erection. He apologised, which he didn’t need to do at all, and he said that the break-up with his wife was still relatively new and he was having issues getting that out of his head when he was in bed with anybody else. I was enormously impressed by the way he talked about it.

I wish that society understood that women enjoy sex just as much as men, and men are just as romantic as women. There’s this very superficial view of women as the emotional ones, of men as being willing to fuck anything – and, honestly, the opposite is just as often true. Women like me can absolutely have unemotional, casual sex, and men like him can be profoundly affected by their relationships for a very long time after those relationships have come to an end. I had a very nice time with him notwithstanding and I really hope we’ll see each other again.

My website, Make Love Not Porn, is all about making it easier for people to talk about sex openly and honestly. We all get very vulnerable when we get naked – sexual egos are very fragile and people therefore find it difficult to talk about sex with the people they’re actually having it with – but, at the same time, you want to please your partner, you want to make them happy. And so we seize our cues on how to do that from anywhere we can. If the only cues you’ve ever been given are from porn, because your parents never talked to you about sex, your school didn’t teach you, your friends aren’t honest about it – then those are the cues you’re going to take, to not very good effect.

I launched Make Love Not Porn eight years ago, with a TED talk that elicited the most extraordinary response worldwide. Every single day for the past eight years, I’ve received emails from people who are young and old, male and female, straight and gay, from every single country in the world. They pour their hearts out, they tell me things about their sex lives and their porn-watching habits they have never told anybody else, and they write to me for advice. It was the sheer cumulative impact of all of those emails arriving day after day that eventually made me feel that I now had a personal responsibility. I then launched makelovenotporn.tv, where people can share videos of their real-world sex, because I see every day the enormous human unhappiness caused by our shame and embarrassment around sex, and I believe that we need a socially shareable approach to it.

I have an old-fashioned English father and a Chinese mother, so my parents never talked to me about sex growing up, apart from my mother going, “Girls, you stay a virgin until you’re married!” to me and my sisters. So, obviously, my views have evolved over time. When I discovered sex, I thought, “Bloody hell, this is so much fun! Goddamn all those years of repression!” I now consider myself a proudly visible member of the most invisible segment of our society, which is older women. I want to help redefine – in the way I live my life – what society thinks an older woman should look like, talk like, be like, work like, dress like and fuck like. I’m completely happy to tell people my age as often as possible; the older you get, the better life gets.”

Cindy Gallop is the founder of the websites makelovenotporn.com and makelovenotporn.tv

The last time I had sex: Laura*, 33
“I last had sex on Saturday morning, with a guy from my office who I’ve been seeing for a month or two. I’m a fan of morning sex, and woke up feeling quite horny. He’s not really a morning person – in fact when he first opens his eyes, he looks like he wants to destroy the universe and everything in it – and he murmured something like “If I wasn’t so hungover, I’d ravish you.” We were both tired from going out the night before; we’d got in about 4am and had some drunk sex that I only somewhat remember.

Anyway, despite the hangover, he did start touching me, which quickly led to sex. He was on top to begin with, with my legs pinned up by my shoulders; then I went on top for a bit and we finished in regular missionary position, which I like because it makes me feel very close to him. Afterwards, I said, “I thought you were too tired to ravish me?” and he said, “That doesn’t count as ravishing.” I think he was implying that he can do better – but I enjoyed myself.

I expected that we would have sex, despite the hangovers; we’re at that stage where it’s more likely you’ll have sex than not. I like that period with a new partner where you’re still very easily excited by them, but you also know them a little, so it’s not like you’re still figuring out what makes each other tick from scratch. I came pretty early on, which I prefer because then you’re just buzzing and tingly, and can let go and relax into it. I love watching my partner come – it feels like you’re experiencing something really interesting and personal. He’s got a really good body and a big cock, which I like – I know it doesn’t matter for some people, but I definitely prefer it. It looks good and it feels good.

At the moment I’m having sex three or four times a week, which is great. Of course, it’s really hot when you’re at the start of a relationship and having interesting or intense sex frequently. I do feel like people in long-term relationships are put under pressure if they’re not having sex that often, and that’s not really fair. On the other hand, it’s very easy to slip into not really having sex or talking about sex at all in a long-term relationship, and that’s difficult in a different way. You can just sleepwalk into becoming platonic friends.

I’ve always been relatively relaxed and positive about sex; I think people stress about it too much, but that’s understandable given how fraught the dialogue sometimes is around it. One regret is that so far I’ve only been with three women, but I guess there are fewer women who are interested in other women than there are men who are interested in women, or else I’m just really bad at picking up girls! I feel lucky to have had a lot of really great boyfriends who were up for trying different things in bed. I like BDSM in terms of the power play between two people, although I’m not particularly into all the paraphernalia you find on some porn sites: electric nipple clamps and so on.

I had an abortion a few years ago and the few weeks that I had to spend being pregnant before it could be sorted out were horrifying: sore breasts, falling asleep at 9pm, feeling sick all the time, putting on unwanted weight and binge eating cream crackers, for some reason. It was a huge relief to terminate the pregnancy, and I think for a while afterwards I was a bit wary of sex, out of a fear of getting pregnant again.

I try to make sure any porn I’m looking at is ethical, paying the performers properly and treating them well, although I generally prefer well-written sex to filmed sex anyway. But well-written porn can be difficult to find. As a teenager, fan fiction was probably my most important source of sexual material. But I don’t really need a stimulus to get myself off; if I just want to come quickly before going to sleep or whatever, I can normally get there in about a minute. It’s funny or maybe sad how the spectre of women faking orgasms seems to haunt some men, like they got the memo about how they need to put effort in to make women come. Then they feel suspicious if it happens quite easily.”

The last time I had sex: Ruby*, 24
“The last time I had sex was two nights ago, with a man I’ve been in a relationship with for eight months, been sleeping with for six months, and known (and loved, if I’m honest with myself) for three years. He’s nine years older than me, and he’s married. It’s something I never thought I’d do, but what I’m learning this year is that life is more complicated than you think.

We were in my room in my shared house, which meant we had to be quiet – something I find difficult, but it does add to the intensity. We’d been making do with stolen lunch-break sessions (also at my house) for the last couple of weeks, and we needed more time together, so he made up an excuse and stayed with me from about 6pm until after midnight. We were naked for most of that time.

Sex with this man is like nothing else I’ve ever experienced. It’s like we connect on every level; we both seem to know instinctively how the other wants to be touched. He brings my whole body to life and I know I do the same for him. We’ve done things together that have been firsts for us both, but in particular he loves going down on me. He’d happily stay there all night if he could – this time he was there for half an hour, until I couldn’t feel my fingers or toes.

We’ve tried to stop the whole thing a couple of times, but it feels chemical – there’s a physical pull between us that I can’t resist. I think one of the reasons the physical side works so well is that we connect on every other level too; another thing I’m learning this year is that if you’re good together outside of the bedroom, you’re likely to be good together inside it. But yesterday we decided to end it, and I know in my heart that it’s really over this time. His indecision was killing me, and every time we’re together the crash back down to Earth is harder.

During my last relationship I came to understand that I’m bisexual, but because I was already committed to a man, I wasn’t able to date women. That last boyfriend didn’t take it very well; in his mind, it made me more likely to cheat on him. This meant that I quickly learned not to talk about it, which didn’t help me or us as a couple. The man I’ve been with this year doesn’t see it that way, and has encouraged me to date women alongside what’s going on between us. I’ve been on a couple of dates, but nothing has come of it so far.

The realisation that I’m bisexual has been a very gradual one. In our culture we’re constantly surrounded by sexualised images of women, whom we’re encouraged to idolise – so it’s hard, as a teenage girl, to decipher wanting to be someone or be their best friend, from actually wanting to touch them. I’m comfortable with it now, although it’s taking me a while to really feel like a part of the LGBT community – being a femme bi woman in a relationship with a man makes you basically invisible.

Sometimes bi people say things like “Gender doesn’t matter to me. It’s about the person”, and I’m not here to invalidate the way anyone else defines themselves, but that doesn’t resonate with me. The things that attract me to men (arms, hands, chests) are different to the things that attract me to women (lips, hair, the soft parts). This man’s response to my bisexuality and his willingness to talk it through with me are part of what has made this relationship so fulfilling. In fact the night we got together I came out to him, and that felt like the moment we moved from being close friends to something deeper.

Even though getting over this heartbreak feels impossible right now, I now know what I need and won’t settle for less. I’m also looking forward to exploring more with women, which feels like something I really need to do. This relationship has made me feel more desirable than ever before, and I’m trying hard to hold onto that and carry it with me into my next one. I know I deserve to be more than the “other woman”, but I’m scared that I’ll never get to experience sex – or love – quite like this again.”

The 9 Most Insane Sex Diaries of 2017

Every Sunday night, the Cut posts a new sex diary — anonymous accounts from city dwellers about a week in their sex lives. The results are funny and sad, with honesty and details that make readers cringe and celebrate in turn. Below, nine of this year’s wildest, from a dad attending a swingers’ party with his wife, to a marriage counselor at a Tantric retreat, to an L.A. woman looking forward to an upcoming threesome.

The Family Man Attending a Sex Party
11 p.m. Back in our suite with about ten other couples. One lady is getting fingered by some guy as she dances with her husband. A new couple shows up and we start chatting. It is dark and boozy and we’re really getting along. She has soft skin; I feel her back under her shirt. The room clears out until it’s just the four of us. We will call these two Niki and Carlos. They seem more passionate and a bit slower, as opposed to being into heavy banging. Niki is feeling Jax’s large tits; we are all getting naked. Soon enough, we are banging our own spouses side by side.

The Woman Looking Forward to a Threesome
7:30 p.m. Driving over to Zach’s. I’m nervous. I ask myself if I’m truly this sexually brazen. Sure, I’ve had my fair share of two-girl-one-guy threesomes, but at the end of the day I ain’t no lesbian. Low-key, this is my dream: two bi guys and me. Pressure isn’t on me, everyone gets fucked. I find gay porn so hot, so what could go wrong?

The Stay-at-Home Mom Turned Foot-Fetish Model
5:55 a.m. When I was in college, I was a foot model for some big designers. A photographer friend clued me into the foot-fetish industry and let me know how much my feet are worth. Once my money problems got big enough, I remembered this … and started dabbling. From time to time I will get mildly aroused — honestly, usually not. It’s a job. At the moment, I’m not in any real sexual relationship …

The Woman Refusing to Feel Guilty for Her Sex Life
11:20 a.m. It’s Friday, so I’m planning ahead to secure some dick this weekend. I swipe right on Tinder until I run out of swipes (a daily habit). I’ve never actually been in a serious relationship — the closest I got was right before this current Tinder rampage. I dated a guy for about five months, but we never became “official” (whatever that means). It wasn’t until it ended that I knew how unhappy I was — it made me realize I need to have fun and figure out what I want before sticking with one person.

The Marriage Therapist at a Tantra Retreat
7:01 p.m. Everyone’s here and I’m fascinated. As a marriage therapist, I’m used to meeting couples for the first time and I frequently find myself wondering what on earth they’re doing together. But here, all the partners match. In fact, if everyone had been standing by themselves, I bet I could have accurately paired each person with their mate. And, with one exception of a couple in their 70s, they’re all around our age.

The Executive Who Lives Two Blocks From Her Ex
2 p.m. My ex lives two blocks from me. I worry about running into him just about every time I leave the apartment. I thought he was the love of my life. Moving in together, marriage — all things I thought were in our future. Until one night he didn’t come over as planned and I walked into his apartment to see him fucking another girl. It was a pretty ugly conscious-uncoupling, and now I’ve got some issues letting a guy get close to me. Seems easier not to at this point.

The Woman Taking Off Her Wedding Ring
8:35 a.m. I met my husband, M, when I was 15. We dated on and off throughout high school and college. We took lots of breaks, but eventually ended up together for the long haul. I loved his “bad boy” personality and, of course, his good looks. But as a grown-up, he’s a bit boring — in life and in bed. He has no idea that I have affairs … he travels a lot for work. He doesn’t know about my affairs, and as far I know, he’s not having any. I wouldn’t care if he did.

The Mom Who Supports Her Family With Sex Work
6 p.m. Dinner is ready and the gluten-free girls are bitching that there’s nothing for them to eat — I remind them that dick is gluten-free and get a few laughs. Overall, this group is pretty easygoing; it feels like a sorority, not pussy prison. But no matter what, being away from home for two weeks and coming home with an extra five figures in my pocket makes it all worth it. I think most people would be surprised to know that most of the ladies with longevity and an established clientele in this industry own businesses in their private lives. It is very lucrative if you have a plan and save and invest wisely.

The Married Mom Looking for Men at Balthazar
10:30 a.m. I sit at Balthazar for breakfast. I do my emails here, breathe, etc. I also come to look for men. I want to have an affair. I feel like it’s my own chance to have some fun romantically. I can’t divorce my husband for financial reasons. I like the life he’s provided for me, but I hate him. He hates me too. Somehow our hatred for each other has reached a place where it works.